Passion, The Core Fire (unedited recording transcription) by Tamarack Song Our lives are fueled by Passion. It sits like a glowing ember deep inside each of us. Sometimes it flares up and gives Fire to our activities and involvements, and sometimes it sits and smoulders so weakly that we hardly know it is there. Whether or not we feel the Fire makes the difference between whether we are living or merely existing. Whether our days are seeped in joy or depression, and to a large degree whether or not we are successful in our ventures. Giving attention to this Fire in the core of their being is the missing link for many, if not most People who are struggling to reconnect with their Native Selves and return to the Old Way of Balance. Over the years I have watched Person after Person struggle to find their Passion Fire. They just couldn't understand why it wasn't working for them—how they could put so much time into studying tracks and sitting in their sit spots and attending courses, and still not be able to put it all together and have it work; or gain a lot of experience and knowledge with wild foods and still go hungry when it comes to the test; or learn how to meditate and do ceremonies and still feel spiritually bankrupt. I've grown frustrated over it myself. Every time someone has compared herself with someone else or with me and said: "look what he (or you) can do, why can't I?" Every time someone has told me that they just don't think they have it in them and are thinking of going back to the life of alarm clocks and of pasta. Every time someone says, "that was then and this is now" and that's why it's not possible to live that way any more. Up until now, I've only been able to guide these People to their Passion by example. My frustration has been that I could only reach a few People that way, and there's so many more screaming the agony of their struggle. Here I will try for the first time to convey example with Passion. I pray that my words don't get in the way of the spirit of the sharing and that my words will be tools enough to help you find the fuel to feed your Fire. Let me start by describing this Passion so that you will recognize it when it comes and so that you can feed it what it needs to help it flame up from deep in your gut and ignite your total being. Passion is Hunger. I am not speaking here of hunger for food, although hunger for food could be part of it. I'm speaking of a deeper Hunger — a yearning, a lust, a drive that empowers our actions and fuels our ambitions. Without this Hunger, there is no Passion. Let me give you a few examples from my life: When I used to head out in the Wilderness with a canteen full of Water, I had no need to find drinkable Water. Even though I had an interest and desire to do so, my focus was not there. I would find many other things to preoccupy myself. I came to realize that a full belly — or in this case, a canteen — quenches the Fire. When I quit carrying Water with me, I felt a change inside myself. I felt my thirst. It made me more alert and perceptive. It's as though my energy was flowing more freely. It was reaching out to the edges of my sight and hearing. I was stepping more lightly. My fingertips grew more sensitive. My mind grew sharper. Impulses were welling up that I did not know I had, as though there was some sort of intuitive guidance that was taking care of me, freeing my mind to process sensory input. I felt alive, I felt connected. I felt the way I imagined a hungry Cat must feel stalking her prey. These new sensations alone were worth it, I no longer much cared I found Water or not! The same was true when I was out trapping or gathering Wild edibles. When I had a full belly, I went through the motions, but I was largely coming from my head. It was an intellectual pursuit. When I went out hungry, it brought out my instincts and intuitions. I could more easily become the Animal I was trapping. I would set a better trap. I could imagine what it might be like to be a chubby Cat on a full belly stalking a Bird. I would have no Passion for the stalk, because I had no Hunger. Now, if I were lean and hungry, I would have a reason to stalk. I would be there, fully present, fully attuned, fully in the moment. With all of my energies and abilities dedicated to the stalk. I remember the same being true in my personal relationships. When I would settle for an out of Balance intimate relationship with dysfunctional behaviors and patterns, I had little Passion for the relationship. It did not bring out the best in me. I was not fully present. I wasn't striving my best to Heal. I didn't strive to surround myself with the energy that would bring out my best. That changed when I decided I would no longer just settle for a relationship. I grew Hungry. I decided I was no longer going to settle for Cat food and a litter box. I was no longer content with just existing. I was going to fast and grow lean and sharp and go out and stalk that Bird as I was intended to do! Then I had Passion for relationship and could hear the Voices that were guiding me to what was intended. I had motivation for Healing. I could write poetry to express my feelings because I was in touch with them. I could give of myself because I had a Self to give. Then relationship started working for me. And that's because I was working! Here's an example from yesterday. This is the experience which gave me the awareness that now is the time to help others find their Passion: I run a program where a group of People spend a year in the Wilderness, learning to build their own primitive shelters, gather their own food, make buckskin clothing, and all of the other skills that go along with living the Old Way. One of these skills is making Fire by friction. They begin their year with matches and lighters which they relinquish after they become adept at the friction method of making Fire. They're now almost three Moons (months) into their year, and only two of the five have thus far gotten serious about learning the skill, and even they are complaining that they lack the motivation to continue. "Why?" I ask. "There's no reason to do it. It was fun at first, but when I'm tired and someone else is here with a lighter, why bother? What's the point if I'm the only one doing it? Just seems as though there's something missing." "Passion, perhaps?" I ask. "Yeah," someone said, "there's just no real desire, no need." They went on to talk about a conflict within the group over how much wild food they would gather and how much supplemental food they would use, and then about how it seemed that one or two people were doing most of the lodge building in the group as a whole didn't seem to care a whole lot about getting lodges done. "Do you see any relationship here?" I asked. "Aha! I see what you're getting at, said someone after a moment. "We're sputtering along with just about everything." "What can we do to help ourselves feel our hunger?" one of them asked. "I turn the question back to you. What's missing here, what's missing in each one of you and in your Circle that's keeping you from feeling that Fire in your gut?" "Well... Seems so overwhelming! I want to do everything at once. I want to take down my tent so that I have to finish a lodge, and I want to forage all of my own food and throw away these clothes and make myself some buckskins right away, today. But I know I can't do that. Where do we start?" "How about with this Hearth we're sitting around?" I suggested. "Fire is our Center. It's from this Hearth that we radiate, and it's to this Hearth that we come back. It's here that we share our meals and our stories. This is the Fire that feeds us and warms us." "O.K.; how about, starting today, we have this be our Sacred Fire? No more matches! If we're going to cook, if we're going to warm ourselves at this Hearth, it will be with Fire by friction." "But I'm not good at it yet. I don't know if I can make a Fire when I need one, and I don't know if I can trust the rest of you to do it when you might not want one yourselves." "Well, we've got to start sometime if we're going to pull this Circle together. Maybe those of us who know how to make Fire can help those of you who don't to learn the skill. Sharing the skill would only help us. Guess the sooner you all learn it, the less pressure there will be on us to have to make a Fire whenever one is needed. As you often say Tamarack, ‘giving is receiving'. I can see how that might work here." "Hunger is a beautiful thing," I reply. "It's a strange paradox that when we find our Hunger, we feed ourselves, and when we have full bellies we will end up going hungry. A Wolf with a full belly doesn't Hunt. She naps. I remember trying to get them to play games when they had full stomachs, and they did so only half-heartedly. When they were hungry, they were sharp — they had Fire! They were fun to be with. We romped through the Meadows and challenged each other to be our best at the games of shadowing and sensory attunement we'd play. I can almost say seriously, "Give me Hunger, or give me Death!" Because life with a full belly is not worth living. When someone is facing her death she usually doesn't assess her life by how much comfort she has provided herself or by how well she has sidestepped her fears. Rather she looks at how well she faced her fears and followed her passion. What can we do when we don't feel our passion or when we can't find the motivation to do something for ourself? At such times it helps me to do something for someone else. It pulls me outside of myself and helps restore my awareness that I am more than just me -- that I am not bounded or limited by my own feelings and consciousness, or lack thereof. When I am sad and another is happy, I can partake of that person's joy; when I am stupid and another is bright, I can feel smart. In the same way that sunshine is sunshine, no matter whom it touches or how many it touches, passion is passion. This is how With my giving I am literally receiving – when I am serving someone else, I am serving myself. I may not be receiving precisely what I am giving, or what I might like to receive. What I am doing is opening a channel whereby there can be flow. Think of it as having a door to the outside in front of you and not knowing what is on the other side. You could play it safe and not open the door. That way you would take no risk – you would know what you have and feel fairly secure in being able to hold on to it, and you would not have much cause to worry about your future. In essence, you would be limited by who and what you presently are. You have defined yourself by your own self-imposed limitations: because you have relegated yourself to only your personal past and present reality, your future is likely to be more of the same. Now imagine opening the door. Yes, a gale might blast you head-on. And then again, a rainbow-painted Butterfly might come drifting in and you will be bathed in a shower of sunlight and lured outside that room of your present reality by the intoxicating essence of exploding life that lusts to pollinate you with its very passion.