Fear: Doorway to Knowing (Rough draft) by Tamarack Song It is said that fear is our only limitation. It is also believed by some that money is the root of all evil. In actuality the biblical phrase from whence that originates states that love of money is the root. The same is true of fear, which in and of itself is actually a doorway to our potential. It is the love, the embrasure, of fear which is our limitation, our "evil". Fear is no more and no less than a lack of knowing. Our fear of the dark or of deep water is not natural. That fear is not of the water itself or of the blackness but of what might be hidden there — our fear is of the unknown. Those who come to know the creatures in essences of the night become quite comfortable with the dark. A quality of fear is that it magnifies whatever we might construe as a threat to our welfare. This is a survival mechanism which helps to trigger us into preparedness for the worst possible contingency; thus, when we hear noises in the night we imagine them to be coming from the biggest, meanest possible source. When we meet the bird or insect who originates these horrific sounds our fear is usually replaced with wonderment as to how such an eerie and threatening timbre can come from such a fragile creature. We might even get downright apologetic after we realize she is quite preoccupied with her own business and could care less about us, other than perhaps staying out of our way. Emotions such as fear, anger, or jealousy are construed by some as negative. Without them we would have been long dead, as each of them are guideposts defining the parameters in which we can safely function. Notice that I said guideposts and not barriers. Without guideposts we would soon be lost and wandering into the wilderness beyond; with the help of guideposts we might find our way — with care, Awareness, and the Voice of Wisdom. I know a woman who lives in such fear of her surroundings that she maintains tight control of everything in her grasp — her children, her possessions, her feelings. She is consumed by a conspiracy theory that she adopted to reinforce her belief that whatever is beyond her control is a threat. She is perhaps the saddest woman I know, for she knows her limitations but not her limits. In defining and creating her limitations she has built a wall between her and the dark, so that she can live as though the dark does not exist. She also lives without love, for love ventures into the dark. And she lives without Spirit, for Spirit is a calling from the dark. And perhaps most tragic of all, she lives without herself, for all the horizons within her are but turbid shadows beneath their dawning rays. Even her fear of death has been comforted with the conspiracy theory. Embrasure of fear is a two-headed serpent — fear of self and fear of other. The woman we just met is an example of fear of self; fear of the night, as we explored above, is an example of fear of other. Just as these two heads belong to the same serpent when we harbor fear of one sort, we are inevitably harboring fear of the other as well. If we do not immediately recognize that, perhaps we would be wise to look for it, for it is there. The antidote to fear is not fearlessness. Fearlessness is foolishness, which is denial of another sort. It insulates us from our fear, just as with the woman above, but on the other end of the reactionary spectrum. Rather than paint his windows to obliterate the scary outside, the foolish/fearless one dances in the face of this fear. He is the bold one, the risk-taker, the undauntable optimist, the tireless extrovert. Like the woman, he has walled himself out rather than in. Inside — and unsuspecting to most — is a trembling, lonely person who knows himself no better than that impoverished woman. When fear visits me I strive to welcome him immediately and make room for him at my table. For he is my size when he first comes and he speaks my language in a tone that is gentle enough that I can listen without undue effort. I seat him at the place of honor and serve him my finest fare, then I sit before him and listen attentively to what he has come to share. He knows my door is always open to him, so he comes as a friend and speaks his truth in a straightforward manner that is easy for me to understand and accept. There was a time in the past when I did not welcome him so; when his shadow passed my door I imagined it to be but a fleeting cloud. I felt the chill and drew closer to the fire, as though the cloud did not pass. But he would return each time bigger and gruffer than the time before; his voice would rumbled so that I could no longer make it out. I would become numb to him and sink into depression, for he grew so beyond my grasp and comprehension that I could only barely function in the constant chill of his shadow. I could only barely hear myself beneath the din of his growl. It took literally a super-human effort for me to finally open that door and embrace my fear. In the aftermath I visited the edge of suicide in the deepest depression I've ever known. That giant, Fear, leached so much of my vital energy in that one terminal facing that I was left physically debilitated for six months afterward. I did not have the strength to stand for any period of time, I had trouble digesting , I was developing an ulcer, I would cry over the briefest disturbance. I lost my mate, my business. But I lived. I crawled humbly before my fear without pretext, without delusion, for I had nothing left to lose. I sat there and he touched my shoulder, for all he ever wanted was that I sit there before him. Here is a way to embrace fear as teacher and comrade on our walking: 1. Identify your fear. Give it a name, just as you would have a name for a friend. Have the name be descriptive of your fear so that if you would introduce your fear to someone else, she would know right away the character of your fear. This will help place you in the mindset to have a personal relationship with your fear. I would like to note here that this approach has limitations in cases where one's fear has created a catatonic state of stress. This may cause secondary fears, disconnectedness and denial, which can mask over the fear to the point that it is not recognizable. These are cases that go beyond the scope of this paper and may well require professional guidance. 2. Envision your fear. Then imagine a realm in which you are going on a walk with your fear. What is this realm like? What does it feel like to be there? Who and what do you meet there? How long can you stand to be there? 3. Now leave that realm, but leave alone so that you feel you have privacy and security. Write down a list of who and what you met and felt there that distressed you. These are the gifts your friend fear has given you to open and explore. 4. Take each gift, one at a time, and treat it as such — a gift — and learn about it. For example: "My friend fear's name is "Creepy Bugsie" and the gifts he has given me are Spiders, Worms, and Slugs. I took those gifts one at a time, starting with Spiders. I got a video on Spiders at the library, along with a field guide and a book of stories about Spiders. Through them I've come to know that most of my fears about Spiders are unfounded — poisonous Spider bites in my area are relatively few and that knowing their habits and preferred habitat will keep me out of harm's way. " I've learned that the Daddy Longlegs, one of the most poisonous of Spiders, has mouth parts too small to bite a Human. To my surprise, I discovered that he and other Spiders are actually quite beneficial, as they eat untold numbers of insects, some of which are harmful to us. I now understand that there are Spiders in my basement because there are insects there which they are controlling. If there were no insects there would be no Spiders, as they would not be able to survive. "All that was well and good, but I found myself still squeamish about Spiders. So I visited a nearby nature center, where the naturalist offered to take me on a walk so that I could see Spiders in their natural habitat. I was amazed at how beautiful some of them were and how industrious and devoted they were to their young. And they were quite unconcerned about me — not one of them lunged at me or tried to crawl into my hair! "Now for the true test. The naturalist had a friend who had pet Tarantulas; he offered to contact her and ask if I might come over for a visit. Even though my chest tightened and my palms got cold and clammy, I agreed. I knew that this was to be the ultimate facing of my fear, and I trusted in the process and in the naturalist. After that Tarantula, named Mousey, walked down my arm and perched on my hand I was ready to concede not only to an attitude adjustment about Spiders, but to a potential new world opening before me. I couldn't imagine Tarantulas instead of my cuddly Cats, but I could now see the potential for my phobia over other creepy-crawlies melting away as well." We can then continue, one by one, through each gift that our fear gives us. By the above example perhaps you can see that my choice of the term "gift" was literally intended and not an attempt to sugar-coat the process. In fact, the gift is actually a gift of self, for as unknowing becomes knowing, dark becomes light and repulsion becomes embrasure. Spider transforms from mortally detestable enemy to beneficent and admirable co-inhabitant. When the process of unwrapping and getting to know all of our gifts is completed, our fear no longer exists. It has not disappeared — it has become us; we have completely embraced our fear, and it has nourished and broadened us. We have grown. "That's all fine and good," some of you might say "but I have fears that go way beyond Spiders and affect my life in much more profound and intimate ways". Fear is fear. All fear has similar personality and ways no matter what the size or shape. So fears of all the various and seemingly diverse types can be approached using this process. The difference lies in that some gifts of fear cannot, either by choice or ability, be carried to embrasure. Perhaps, for whatever reason — be it for example lack of energy or stretched resources — we cannot progress beyond step one or maybe step two. Or we may discover at step two or step three that we have reached our absolute limit. I, for example, in exploring my fear of heights, found my limit; I went as far as I can go, and I am content with that. My fear of heights is no longer a limitation because I have explored that fear to its length. I can now fully function within that without being paralyzed by terror of what might happen if I pushed myself just one step too far. (By the way, we have limits in all aspects of our functioning, whether or not fear-associated.) By knowing our limit not as a limitation, we have supplanted our fear with the comfort and security of knowing we have reduced our stress level and freed up energy for other matters — such as our newly-expanded world and the possibilities within it. Ideas to Incorporate Fear is a blessing; it gives us the encouragement to proceed cautiously, look at all angles, consider possible harm to self and others, prepare adequately, think before we act. Fear is intended to be temporary; it is the catalyst to awareness. Dissolving fear dissolves monsters, evil, persecution. (Example of my hearing scuffling in leaves, thought Bear, turned out Robin) Own fear--rather than "You scare me", come from "I am fearful of your presence." Then we can do something about it. Cold is fearful to some; Cold isn't inherently fearful doesn't cause fear; it's our fear of being harmed by cold because we don't know how to be in Balance with. Fear is a Pony galloping across the Prairie. Our lot is to ride the Pony; our choice is to be dragged under the belly or to sit upon the back. The Prairie looks quite different when we are dragged in the dust with sharp hooves pounding down around us as opposed to guiding the Pony from high on her back with the wind blowing through our hair. Whatever is in the dark is what we take there with us. So what we find in the dark is ourselves. Fear needs to be a short-lived emotion, because it is so debilitating. It sets up a stress situation and adrenal response that is intended to catalyze action to melt the fear. Fear being the lack of knowing, the release of Fear is in gaining knowledge. To Live in fear is to live in a heightened sensory state.